You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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