Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
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Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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