I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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