I wish I could punch you in the face.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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