Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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