just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
