you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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