Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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