alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
