Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
