We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
someone owes me an orgasm
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
