Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
