for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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