part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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