Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
