Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
