found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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