i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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