I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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