You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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