hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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