Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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