I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
