I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
