My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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