One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Less talking, more tequila
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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