we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
