I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
