Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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