I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
