dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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