Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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