somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
