Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
