Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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