I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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