we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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