i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
