is your mom at the bar?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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