Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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