you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
only you would photoshop your dick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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