thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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