I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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