i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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