I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
