I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
