i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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