I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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