38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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