Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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