he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just cropdusted the office
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
