hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
