I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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