So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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