drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
