Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
