You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
