There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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