I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
