Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
