Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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