no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
