Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She bit a glass in half.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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