i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
