cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am available for nakedness
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
