we have pet lesbian snakes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
