So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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