She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
