i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
