Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize