I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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