Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
